


Consolation Prize

by papersandals (laronmi)



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Epic Fail, M/M, Multi, No Sex, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-19
Updated: 2012-04-19
Packaged: 2017-11-03 22:18:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laronmi/pseuds/papersandals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kotetsu, Barnaby, and Yuri fail to have a threesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consolation Prize

**Author's Note:**

> the closest I'll ever get to writing smut

They got as far as all of them being naked before the regret settled in, which—considering the company—was actually impressive, but Yuri Petrov wasn't going to say that when Kotetsu and Barnaby had effectively murdered the mood and then threw it off the Justice Tower and let it be run over by traffic.

"Look," Kotetsu said, perched on the foot of Barnaby's bed and dragging his fingers through his hair as he attempted to stare down his partner. "I'm just saying that your idea sounds uncomfortable, that's all. Can't we, uh, change it?"

Barnaby gave him a flat stare in return and managed to look almost snottily indignant despite being naked and half-sprawled out on the bed. "Are you upset because I'm suggesting that you be in the middle?"

"No! Uh, I mean...no? Look," Kotetsu said quickly as both Barnaby and Yuri stared at him, "I just think it's going to be uncomfortable."

"Sex tends to be, although that depends heavily on the people involved," Yuri said, and the two of them whipped their heads around to stare at him as if they'd forgotten he was there.

Kotetsu sat up straighter and puffed out his chest a little, which he probably intended to come off as heroic, although it just looked stupid to Yuri. "It shouldn't be! And I won't let it! Uh, I mean—"

"What do you have against being in the middle?" Barnaby snapped, and then the two of them were off, arguing about positions and lubrication and _filing income taxes_.

It was the last straw, so Yuri slipped off the bed in the middle of their heated discussion about refunds and went into the kitchen. Once there, he opened Barnaby's cabinets, grabbed a champagne glass, and then looked around until he found the most expensive wine Barnaby had. He opened the bottle, poured himself a glass, drained it, and then put the glass in the sink and the bottle back on the wine rack. He stood naked in Barnaby's kitchen for a few seconds more, then decided to pour himself another glass of wine and pour it down the sink just to be spiteful.

He walked backed into the bedroom to find Kotetsu waving the bottle of lube in front of Barnaby's face.

"Gentlemen," he said loudly, and the two of them looked up, startled. "Are we doing this or not?"

The two of them exchanged guilty looks, and Yuri wondered why, of all the people in the city, he had decided that evening to go to bed with _Kotetsu T. Kaburagi and Barnaby Brooks Jr._ instead of someone he had never known before. 

Kotetsu began hemming and hawing as he tried to give an answer, and Barnaby was laying down on the bed with his arms crossed and an expression on his face that said he didn't really care about whether or not he had sex that night anymore. Yuri very briefly entertained thoughts about setting the room on fire, but then Kotetsu actually began to speak.

"I think," Yuri said in the middle of Kotetsu's poor attempt at being diplomatic, "that we should all forget this ever happened."

"Isn't that what you're supposed to say in the morning?" Kotetsu muttered, but then quieted and looked almost embarrassed when Yuri glared at him.

"It was a novel experience," Yuri lied and went to pick up his pants. "However, it was not meant to be." Shirt, suit jacket, underwear, and tie all were taken off the floor and draped over his arms. "Thank you, nonetheless, for the offer. Good night."

He walked with his clothes to the living room, where he dressed quickly and picked up his suitcase from where it had fallen by the door. He adjusted his tie and then walked back into the kitchen, grabbed the bottle of wine he had opened, and then left with it tucked under his arm.

At the very least, he wasn't going to leave empty-handed.


End file.
